Learn to say 'no' to opportunities, by stating (sometimes mentally and sometimes verbally)what you are saying ‘yes’ too, as you articulate ‘no.’ This makes your 'no' a 'positive no.' For example, “Because of my family commitments (saying yes to Jacob, a person who will be at my funeral), I cannot start a consulting process with you for six months (saying no to a pastor, a person I may never cross paths with again after a year). If this sounds ridiculously basic to you then great- I am glad that you don’t need
it. I do. My extreme, progress-oriented temperament, rooted in a clear calling to the church, makes it is very, very hard for me to say no to a potential client. Therefore it helps me to “rehearse the yes” with one of my children in mind.
While the family vs. work illustration is relatively easy to grasp, the principle works the same on a macro or micro level, personally or organizationally.
Faithbridge for example, recently said ‘no’ to a multiple venue strategy the church had tried for 18 months. While the strategy yielded some return, the deeper yes was adding a third service to their core worship style (called Faithbridge Live). In the process of re-strategizing, many people had to be told “no,” including dozens of people who mobilized a Traditions service. Explaining the “yes” was a massive part of change management.
On a personal, micro level, have you ever felt like you had too much to do in one day? Think through your most important ‘yes’ of the day, and use the verbal expression of it as you e-mail, call, or walk down the hall to communicate a 'no.'